Why Feeding Can Be So Tricky (and What You Can Do to Help)

Feeding a child can be one of the most rewarding parts of parenting, watching them explore new tastes and textures, sharing family meals, and seeing their delight when they enjoy something you’ve prepared.

But when your child refuses food, spits it out, cries at mealtimes, or only accepts a very limited list of “safe” foods, it can quickly become one of the most stressful parts of the day.

Here’s the reassuring truth: you’re not alone.

Fussy eating, often defined as eating a very limited range of foods, is incredibly common in young children. In the UK, around 1 in 5 parents describe their infant or toddler as a “problem eater,” and some research suggests that as many as half of all children go through a fussy eating stage.

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When Fussy Eating Becomes a Feeding Difficulty

Most children have phases of fussiness, but sometimes feeding challenges are more persistent or complex. These can include:

• Spitting out food

• Crying or becoming upset during meals

• Eating extremely slowly

• Gagging or retching at the sight of certain foods

• Refusing the spoon or bottle

• Throwing or pushing food away

Patterns like these can make mealtimes feel draining - for children and parents alike.

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How Food Allergies Can Make Things Harder

Food allergies can add another layer of challenge.

When a child needs to avoid certain foods, their opportunities to try new tastes and textures are already reduced. If they’ve experienced a frightening allergic reaction or unpleasant symptoms like pain, discomfort or vomiting, they may also develop anxiety about eating.

Children learn to enjoy new foods through repeated exposure - watching others eat, touching, smelling, and tasting. A restricted diet can make building variety much harder.

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Why Some Kids Just Won’t Try

There’s often more than one reason behind feeding difficulties. Contributing factors can include:

• Stressful mealtimes – Pressure or tension can make eating harder

• Sensory sensitivities – Heightened awareness of tastes, smells, textures, or even background noise

• Emotional and behavioural factors – Using food refusal to express anxiety, discomfort, or communicate needs

• Anxiety and control – Food refusal as a way to feel safe or in control

• Developmental factors – Such as neophobia (the natural fear of new things, including foods)

• Previous negative experiences – Unpleasant or painful eating experiences reinforcing refusal

• Parent/caregiver influences – Unintentionally reinforcing certain behaviours

• Cultural influences – Expectations and norms around food

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Common “Safe” Foods for Fussy Eaters

Children with feeding difficulties often prefer:

• Sweet or salty flavours

• Specific textures (smooth purées or dry, crunchy foods)

• Familiar brands or packaging

• Beige or brown-coloured foods

• Plain meals with no sauces, or foods kept separate on the plate

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How a Psychologist Can Help

As a paediatric clinical psychologist, I look at the whole picture: your child’s developmental history, health (including allergies), sensory sensitivities, anxiety, and the family’s mealtime environment.

Together, we work to:

• Build positive associations with food

• Reduce stress and pressure at mealtimes

• Introduce new tastes and textures gradually, in a no-pressure way

• Equip you with practical strategies you can use every day

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My Top Tips for Happier Mealtimes

• Involve your child in food planning and preparation

• Create a relaxed atmosphere—soft music, comfort items if helpful

• Always offer a “safe” food alongside newer or less favoured options

• Keep mealtimes short (around 20 minutes)

• Make meals fun—games, storytelling, imagination play

• Eat together as a family in a way that works for you

• Praise positive mealtime behaviours, using encouraging language

• Be consistent—ensure all caregivers use the same approach

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Messy Play & Food Play

Food doesn’t always have to be about eating. Pressure-free food play can help children become more comfortable around new foods.

• Start with dry foods or utensils, moving to wetter textures when ready

• Try two short sessions a week (10-15 minutes each)

• Keep it light-hearted with no expectation to eat

• Model enjoyment yourself so your child feels reassured

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“Explorer Times”

Introducing new foods works best when it’s low-pressure and away from main meals.

• Choose 2–3 new foods at a time

• Offer in tiny portions

• Encourage exploration: look, smell, touch, lick, taste

• Celebrate progress with a fun, non-food reward

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Final thought: Feeding challenges can be stressful, but with patience, the right strategies, and a clear understanding of what’s driving your child’s behaviour, progress is possible. You’re not failing—and your child isn’t “being difficult.” They’re telling you that eating feels more complicated for them right now, and with the right support, they can learn to feel safe and confident around food.

If you’d like to explore this topic in greater depth, I’ll be discussing it in detail alongside Professor Rosan Meyer, paediatric dietician, in our upcoming workshops. You can find full details and booking information here and on the Workshops tab of my website.

To find out more please click below

Workshops